Obsessions of the orient, of the desert, of its ardor and its emptiness, of the shadows of palm gardens, of the garments white and wide - obsessions where the senses go berserk, where nerves are exasperated, and which made me, at the onset of each night, believe sleep impossible.
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It seems to me that had i not known dostoevsky or nietzsche or freud or x or z, i should have thought just as i did, and that i found in them rather an authorization than an awakening. Above all, they taught me to cease doubting, to cease fearing my thoughts, and to let those thoughts lead me to those lands that were not uninhabitable because after all i found them already there .
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I am lost if i attempt to take count of chronology. When i think over the past, i am like a person whose eyes cannot properly measure distances and is liable to think things extremely remote which on examination prove to be quite near.
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They establish distinctions and reserves which i cannot apply to myself, for i exist only as a whole; my only claim is to be natural, and the pleasure i feel in an action, i take as a sign that i ought to do it.
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Man is extraordinarily clever in preventing himself from being happy; it would seem that the less able he is to endure misfortune the more apt he is to attach himself to it.
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In order to be utterly happy the only thing necessary is to refrain from comparing this moment with other moments in the past, which i often did not fully enjoy because i was comparing them with other moments of the future.
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