I'm convinced that i'm a child of god. That's wonderful, exhilarating, liberating, full of promise. But the burden which goes along with that is, i'm convinced that everybody is a child of god. . . . I weep a lot. I thank god i laugh a lot, too. The main thing in one's own private world is to try to laugh as much as you cry.
Losing faith is a complicated business and takes time. There are no epiphanies, no "moments of truth." it takes much thought and concentration in the later phases, which thenselves come about through an accumulation of small accidents: examples of general injustice, misfortune falling upon the godly, prayers of one's own unanswered.
Deluded liberal that i am, i persist in thinking that those with a streak of sexual unorthodoxy ought to be more tolerant of their fellows than those who lead an entirely godly, righteous and sober life. Illogically, i tend to assume that if you ( philip larkin) dream of caning schoolgirls bottoms, it disqualifies you from dismissing half the nation as work-shy.